is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
