Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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