yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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