I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
