The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
