I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
