What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Randomize