OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
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