the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
