Moan for me like Helen Keller
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just forgot I was standing up.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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