He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
