Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I will pee on everything he values.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
