when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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