Im at strip club and am horny
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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