Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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