So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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