hotel room ftw
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
