I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
