I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
