Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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