I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
