Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(612): View more from Minnesota

You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?

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(317): View more from Indiana

I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.

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(819): View more from Quebec

We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.

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(631): View more from New York

Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.

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(813): View more from Florida

So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like

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(727): View more from Florida

We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.

(727): View more from Florida

Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.

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(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.

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