there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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