I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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