Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
