Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
