Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
