farters have to be the big spoon...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
