I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
