you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
