I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
