If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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