i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Randomize
