Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
