I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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