Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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