i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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