i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I understand Curling. That high.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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