just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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