Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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