so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
