this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
