wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
