no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
