omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
