um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
