You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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