fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
