he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize