I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
