So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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