"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
