some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
