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so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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