and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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