he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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