Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
