ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
