He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
