i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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