shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
