Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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