Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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