so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
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