Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
