My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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