Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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