I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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