I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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