How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
