Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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