Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
