You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
