My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
