if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
