Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
