Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
