Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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