You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
