Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
