jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
