She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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