I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
